In love with the wrong guy.

Love is the most deepest word that weigh heavy meaning. We often use the word LOVE to our family, friends, to our boyfriend or girlfriend, to God, to everyone. Actually, LOVE is the ultimate beginning and end why we live and survive, why we are here in this world and why we still striving to go on with life. There are various reasons and degree in depths why people love, such for example, the initiate boy-girl relationship. Probably, that is what makes the world go round.

Frankly, I have been totally in love ("Obsessed" as what my friends say). I know we were not fit right from the start. Probably, he is wrong for me. But I'm waiting for a miracle that sudden positive change may forever take place. It is just I'm in the softer side, accumulating all the worst in him for miracle to happen. All the understanding, all the patience, all the love, pause my love not because I know that he needs me to direct his life. I do love him. We love each other. But time comes that I'm already tired. I'm tired of being always on the softer side. I'm tired of his vices, his bragging disbelief, his false promises. I'm totally tired.

That is why, I'm awaken to my senses. I'm awaken from the reality of prolong silence and sleep from the truth. I'm opening wide my eyes and focusing my mind to swallow my "undying love" for him. For long years, we love each other but I come up with a decision. It's totally over!

The best life's lesson that holds me now is this nourishing words which my friend shared me. It says:

"People have different outlooks in love. But whatever those are, there's only a single truth behind everyone's heartache: Love hurts when God knows you deserve someone else."

My reflection about a prayer.

"Do not thing of the few things you did not get after praying. Think of the countless beautiful things God gave without your asking."

I do admit that I often pray to the Lord, asking Him to have me like this and like that, to have me these and those. I pray for Him for many things and various concerns. I ask much blessings for our family, our plans, our health and our future life.

Oftentimes too, I wonder why I haven't receive the ones I've prayed. And it leads now thinking, maybe God doesn't want me to have what I've asked for now or probably, He doesn't want me to have then because it might bring bad to me. But the solid hold of what I always trust is the saying that goes, "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it." Actually this saying holds true in most cases of my life.

And the perfect thing i have discovered, for every thing - little or big that you do to the least of your brothers, God will never skip to give you a reward, blessings that you can't even count them. They're numerously unmeasurable. And in everything you do, you will always prosper and if you think it's tough to cross the many impossible ways, you'll be amazed that God lightens them.

That is why, in everything you do, seek His will and He will surely lighten and direct every paths.

Depressed of becoming fat.

It is such a depressing feeling that a person judge me as obese. He said that I look like a mother who already gone through pregnancy and labor. I don't know how anyone would feel my side.

I am single and have not been touch. Because of my work, I eat a lot. I am a freelance writer. I write and write, read and research always. This is not an easy task and thus, every time I loss energy, I boisterously eat and eat. My mind is always at work. As a result, if I don't eat a lot, I feel like good, appropriate words and ideas will not come out. Thus, I fuel myself with lots of food to sustain me and my brain. Plus, my work requires weight because I don't have enough strength to exercise.

I am aware of myself. I am totally aware that I'm becoming fat. But I do make ways to tone my body down. I will surely do it. That is my mission this year!

My written poem - "Hoping"

I am falling in love to a friend that he didn't know. Because of my too much feeling of love, I write this poem personally. It is entitled, "Hoping".

Everytime I encouner faces,
A glimpse of true love resembles,
Everything perfectly flourishing,
This love seem unending.

The eyes both meet,
Your stare is hoping,
My true love creates,
To you I'm liking.

How wonderful to dwell,
This mind always thinking,
How great to spell,
Love both sharing.

I do love you,
Me, just hoping,
I do care for you,
Me, never revealing.

How beautiful to live,
If the reason is you,
How blessed to love,
If I share it with you.

This hopeful soul,
Always wishing,
You don't know,
You, I'm loving.

Just hoping...
Just wishing...
I'm loving...
And saying..."I love you so!"

Being a freelancer.

There are lots of things that I want to say but I couldn't find the right words. Anyway, I am having a huge research of the thesis which I pass to my client. Being a freelance writer is such a tasking job but it is what I love and like. There are more words that I need to grasp and I love the idea of coming it all to me. It feels like it floats soundly well and come in the rush of time. I can be able to write many and in fact, express something that adds up to what I want to appear in my composition.

Lamp and Me

Striking my pen to make stroke of letters and words, I express my written composition with only the lamp and me.

There is not light. The room is dark if there's no lighted lamp. My sisters are already fast asleep. I am just sitting near the chair where I placed the lamp above it.

I could already feel the atmosphere is in great jubilant and celebration of Christmas. Firecrackers loudly sounded like a BIG BANG, radio sounded live and to-the-groove music, children are happily and excitedly chatting, plates are sounding like inviting someone to eat and gobbly dine, smiles scattered everywhere.

But me, the lighted lamp, my two sisters in the solitary room were presently living here. It feels like it's not Christmas. No delicious food on the table, the world is shouting with jubilant but here we are taking this day like one of those ordinary days.

We finish our prayer. We are hoping that this Christmas, though how tranquil we are, bounteous blessings from God is always what we pray.

Do-it-myself Plumbing Job

I do little plumbing job today. Our faucet is having a leak. It's handle has been destroyed which resulted to fast dripping of water. I don't have any other immediate concern except to do the little repair.

Indeed, I was wrong, The faucet needs to be replaced. It takes a lot of job. Instead of mastering enough confidence to do the job I can't resist but called the expert plumber near our state. Luckily, just within 10 minutes, he arrived bringing with him his complete plumbing tools.

I thought plumbing problems are just so easy. After all the water rushly flowing without pause, I was almost trembling in fear. Furthermore, our faucet retires its services. It has been almost 7 years of doing its job. Well, it retires. It needs to be replaced after all.

Now, I'm feeling okay. What I've learned this day is "Never gain much confidence especially when you can't afford to do the task by yourself."

Of course, I initiatively do it by myself because everything for the sake not to spend much is indeed a huge expense.

At least, it's okay and we are all okay now as well!