Thursday, December 24, 2009

Lamp and Me

Striking my pen to make stroke of letters and words, I express my written composition with only the lamp and me.

There is not light. The room is dark if there's no lighted lamp. My sisters are already fast asleep. I am just sitting near the chair where I placed the lamp above it.

I could already feel the atmosphere is in great jubilant and celebration of Christmas. Firecrackers loudly sounded like a BIG BANG, radio sounded live and to-the-groove music, children are happily and excitedly chatting, plates are sounding like inviting someone to eat and gobbly dine, smiles scattered everywhere.

But me, the lighted lamp, my two sisters in the solitary room were presently living here. It feels like it's not Christmas. No delicious food on the table, the world is shouting with jubilant but here we are taking this day like one of those ordinary days.

We finish our prayer. We are hoping that this Christmas, though how tranquil we are, bounteous blessings from God is always what we pray.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Do-it-myself Plumbing Job

I do little plumbing job today. Our faucet is having a leak. It's handle has been destroyed which resulted to fast dripping of water. I don't have any other immediate concern except to do the little repair.

Indeed, I was wrong, The faucet needs to be replaced. It takes a lot of job. Instead of mastering enough confidence to do the job I can't resist but called the expert plumber near our state. Luckily, just within 10 minutes, he arrived bringing with him his complete plumbing tools.

I thought plumbing problems are just so easy. After all the water rushly flowing without pause, I was almost trembling in fear. Furthermore, our faucet retires its services. It has been almost 7 years of doing its job. Well, it retires. It needs to be replaced after all.

Now, I'm feeling okay. What I've learned this day is "Never gain much confidence especially when you can't afford to do the task by yourself."

Of course, I initiatively do it by myself because everything for the sake not to spend much is indeed a huge expense.

At least, it's okay and we are all okay now as well!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Women's Worth

I don't feel okay today. I was visited by my period. The first day is actually fast. The blood flowly runs fast. In fact, it is my third time now that I changed napkins this day.

There aer lots of things that women carry about. Just like these natural occurences of every woman's life - menstruation, pregnancy and even serious internal diseases are not an exemption. Women are prone to internal defection and most are victim of cancer.

That is why, I always take good care of my body and health. Times like these that me going through menstruation is inevitably unavoidable. I suffer too much pain. Whatever I do to alleviate the endless pain, there is nothing I can do instead to take the scruciating pain.

Indeed, it is not easy to be a woman. There are numerous roles and responsibilities that a woman possess. She is a child, a daughter, a wife, a mother to her children and being in such a position is worth an essence of everyone's life.

I don't know why I often feel like recalling the worth of a woman especially in times when I'm experiencing monthly menstruation.

Friday, December 11, 2009

About the movie, "My Best Friend's Wedding"

I don't know what to write except that I need to have this written after all. It's just that I'm looking for words to say but I can't hardly say a word. Probably, I'm much affected of the film which I viewed yesterday evening. Julliane (Julia Roberts) feel in love with is bestfriend the day he (Dermont Mulroney) decided to marry someone (Cameron Diaz) else. It has been 39 years that Jullianne hold her feeling about her bestfriend for the fact that her bestfriend after months of travel will come back building both the love they once knew. But it is the other way of story around.

Julliane's immediate bestfriend (Rupert Everett) is her shining armour in her time of great need as she preferred to be ruthless to get the man of his dream before the day of the wedding.

The feeling broke into a real truth of awareness for Michael O'Neal (Dermont Mulroney) while Julliane for the first time broke her silence, expressing what she really feeld for Michael. But it's too late, the wedding is unstoppable. Michael chased Kimmy (Cameron Diaz), Julliane chased Michael, nobody chases Julianne.

No matter how I prefer, wanting the story of defending on Julianne's side but it all ends us as "My Best Friend's Wedding".

Actually, I was moved and touched by this realistic film which resulted me crying.
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Saturday, December 5, 2009

Remembering Mama this Christmas

I cried yesterday because I miss Mama. This year's Christmas Day is the 5th year that she is not with us. We never have delicious food on the table and parties to celebrate. There are no more Christmas songs to sing and gifts to receive. There are no more greetings and carolling.

Christmas should be full of fun and excitement. Way back before when my mother is still here with us, she serves us with our favorite food like Spaghetti, "Adobo", Christmas Ham, fruit salad, cakes and pastries, chicken curry, beef steak, juice and many more. She turns on the radio and plays Christmas songs. She sings from the top of her voice as she cooks all our favorite food. She surprisingly gives us gifts as midnight of December comes. It was like the whole month of partying in our house when mother is still alive.

This day, I can feel that Christmas is really near. I don't know if my sister's and I will enjoy or Christmas will just make us cry.

How wonderful if Mama is still here. I miss her everyday especially during Christmas day.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Strumming the guitar.

Music has been a part of my life. In fact, I can't live a day without music. Eversince, I was a kid, my mother raised me, following the footstep of her much gusto with music. As a matter of fact, she's my guru and I'm her apprentice.

I can aptly know how to sing and to play the musical instruments like the piano and the guitar. I have also experienced joining the numerous singing contests form varied venues here in our place.

I was only 3 that my mother discovered my precious talent. She helps me develop and enhance them.

In countless amateur singing contests that I've joined, I win most but I also tasted the feeling of losing. I even cried a lot but mostly I smiled often especially when I win. The cash that I earned from winning the contest serves as a help especially for our meal for the day.

Music travels some positive avenues for my life. I never fear to face people for I have gain lots of confidence. I am determine to pursue what I want. I have the courage to practice even more and to have patience in achieving what I want to reach. In totality, music boosts my interest and disciplines me to face life's challenges with focus and willingness. And all these I owe a lot from my mother who is God's gift for me.

Indeed, my mother has helped a lot of my growth and development. My progress extends its height until now.

But not all tides end up happily. I lose my talents when my mother died. I never care practicing and joining the contest as well. But my perseverance to move on striving is still within me.

My mother's love for me and the way she leads my life into notes of hymns, songs and music paves my way to know the real me.

Now, I rarely sing in public but I do often sing for mother in my heart.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Sad about the new Payperpost.com services

Today, I've checked my payperpost.com account and I was quite not satisfied with their new services because I've experienced receiving lesser opportunities even with my previous account. I am hoping that they will fed me with bigger opportunities because I worry much if I can't be able to provide our daily needs - food, payments for electricity and water supply, medicine for my sister, shelter and clothings.

For the past years, I depend much from the earnings that I got from blogging to support our daily needs. I don't have work for now because I take care of my sister who is having monthly medication and there's no other who could help her but me. While I'm at home, I work blogging, writing honest views, product reviews and experiences from companies who subscribed at payperpost.com.

I couldn't imagine what I could help for my family if I didn't met this paying site that truly nurtures, nourishes and provides our daily needs.

I have been praying and hoping always for bigger opportunities for me to work on.

Friday, November 27, 2009

God has helped me many times.

I have experience a blissful life of earning real cash from blog writing. In fact, it helps me a lot in financing the expenses of the land I just bought last month. Furthermore, the food on the table, the monthly medication of my sister, the house we rent before, the other expenses we have, all these were paid through earning cash in the Internet. I firmly believe that this is God's girft for me to extend my help to others in this way. I couldn't imagine how life would be if this were not meant from God to me.

The Lord is so kind to me. He has given me more of life. I should not worry much because He will always providing me. I thank Him for everything. My dreams are successively achieved and I know more blessings will come for me through the years.

This year stores lot of good oppurtunites for me and I do hope that for the coming years, more and more blessings will come as well.

I always heed to pray to God that I should not worry much about life because He will never cease providing me, loving me.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My dreams are within reach.

I am very grateful that my dreams of owning a house and lot is now within reach. Frankly, a house and lot is what I really wanted for us sisters to live in and spend our lives with after my father prioritize to give our house to her second wife.

It took me lots of months to save and even save more harder from the money that I earn of my job as a freelance writer. I save more and spend less and even until now.

Indeed, it is such a rewarding feeling to get what I wanted especially now that we are living with our own. Little by little, we can fully achieve what we wanted. As for now, I am happy with the realization that my dreams are now within reach.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sad to lost my friend.

Last November 7 at the very morning, I received a text from my friend named Marvin, telling me to visit him in their house. I didn't pay much attention to his text because I know that he will be fine. Until I was so shocked with sadness that he passed away on the evening of the same day. The bad news seems like a joke. We were communicating on that morning and on that evening he is gone? So horrible hearsay!

I don't want to believe but I was in the point of believing as I received lots of text messages from my classmates and friends, saying he is gone.

I bursted into tears. I regret a lot and I can't even forgive myself on this. I cried and ask for forgiveness, hoping that he will be able to hear me.

I am really feeling in a great lose and regret now. I hope that Marvin will forgive me and may his soul will rest in peace.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A home away from "home".

My sisters (2) and I are staying in a new apartment for a week now. We actually moved last October 17, 2009 (Sunday). The decision of moving is abrupt. Actually, we didn't instantly want to leave "home" but we did. We can't hold on with ourselves of living into a "home: which is not really a home. It is mainly because of my stepmother and my father. We can't cling to keep our silence from living in a "home" where indifference in attitudes prevail. We hardly understand each other. And in order for us to live happily, without any adieu, we decided to move instantly.

That us why, without much sufferance, we decided to stay away from "home". Now, we are happy living with our own.


Friday, October 16, 2009

Problems of lending money to a closed friend.

Today, my friend named Malou came home early to borrow an amount of $1000. I recently received my salary yesterday. I supposed to pay the said amount for the space which I rented. Malou has a serious problem with her schooling that she needs to attain all her financial problems. And so doing, I lend her the money.

We had an agreement that on the third week of November, she should pay the amount or else I will be overly piled with bills, bills and bills. I hope that she will keep her promise.

Due to my merciful heart, I decided to lend the money not minding that I am in the great chaos of paying the rent. Nevertheless, I have another cash on hand probably next week.

It is hard to resist from a little favor of a friend especially that she is more in need of my help. Being hook in this kind of situation is not really a problem. I just make sure to find ways to look for cash.

Neglecting the needs of others, though I have sacrificed my own concern, is quite unreasonable. But at least Malou is going to take the exam now. That what matters to me anyway!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What is my mission here on Earth?

I often ask that question especially in times that I am feeling helpless and overly burden with problems.

Just this day, I again think of what really is my purpose here on Earth and why I came to exist. Why Jesus let suffering? I know well that it is not proper to question God and to go more deeper in the sense of going through the deeper sense of wondering especially when it is more about God. Probably, I don't have the right to interrogate Him with questions same as those. But it matters to me.

I have been in a great problem nowadays and questioning to the point of my existence and my purpose are what I always ask. Maybe because I am overly tired of living. It is because life for me is pointless and it keeps on haunting me (problems).

I am a very sensitive person and it hurts me much when life is not okay for us, sisters. I care about my sisters especially now that my mother is not with us anymore. She is in Heaven with the Lord.

Being the father, the mother, the bread-winner in the family, is so hard. I am almost losing my mind where to find money and food in order to sustain our needs. I am always on the side of supporting our family. I can't blame my sisters for not being able to look for jobs because they did not finish schooling. We are raised up in a family which lack of concern especially on love.

My father selfishly matters his own world with my stepmother. So worst because we don't have a house until now. That is why, I am doing my best to do whatever I can for us to own a house of our own.

I want to be happy and to experience happiness to a maximum. But how can I enjoy life that even when I was a kid, I am already matured to face life and maturely battling life with no enjoyment. I wish that I totally experience the nature of being a kid and how it feels liking life like a kid does.

I have miss many approaches in life especially on growing up. I have miss lots about life because I mature facing life's trials and uncertainties even when I was still a kid.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Song for Mother

Missing my precious Mother, Teresa R. Abucay, is like a day without life. I really miss her every day. So sad that she is not anymore with us. She is in Heaven with the Lord. All that was left for me are her memories, her imaginary presence and this song.

Song Lyrics

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The world is about to end...?

Looking that the world is in chaos, natural disasters are happening in any part of the world. Here in the Philippines, we have experienced how typhoon Ondoy and typhoon Pepeng brought devastations that caused the lost of numerous, innocent lives. Who could have want such disasters can cause a lot of shakened livelihood and lost lives? Everyone has only one question in mind - Does the world will end or will about to end?

For me, I don't know! I am clueless. I don't know that these tragic phenomenons is a sign that the world will end. Probably, this is a warning that we will turn to Him, submitting ourselves, our live, our time and to repent.

I believe that whatever the world has and what might cause some things to happen or will happen, there is a message that would convey some deeper meaning. I believe that this world and the disasters that it will cause to happen are the decisions of Him. God is angry because we are blind in accepting Him. We are enjoying the world's material pleasures and we have no time for Him. We prioritize the lust and the superficial "happiness" that this world creates and gives. We selfishly enjoy the power of being greedy and powerful. Indeed, I believe that God is extremely angry with the people all around the world. I can feel his madness. And for that, I repent for all the wrong doings that I have done.

The world in recession is not a BIG worry for all of us unless we sin no more and we should and must REPENT.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I felt dizzy!

Today is not an ordinary day. I feel dizzy. I don't want to do anything and I end up just merely searching in the Internet and read, read, read and read.

I have nothing to say but just it seems that the weather is very hot. I felt with extreme warm. I feel hot and I don't want to do many things. It is another poor, old day. I guess...!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I always think of her.

Whenever I am down, her face views my sight. I said that I accepted that she is totally gone and she is not with us anymore. But no matter how I really tried to accept the bitter reality, her memories keeps haunting me. I love her so much and I miss her deeply. Whenever I am depress and whenever I think I carry the burden of the world on my shoulders, I listen to the music that is of her favorite. Whenever I hear it, I am comforted and secured that she is near and with me, with us.

It is so hard to accept the fact that she is really gone. No matter how I tried especially when I can recall the selfish acts of my stepmother and father, I always wish and hope Mama is here.

I know that I should be happy because she is now at peace and in peace together with the Lord. I should have let her go but it seems letting go is the hardest thing to do. I know that I am strong in facing trials. I know that I will not retreat nor surrender. But it seems that I am gradually feeling her deep lost that makes me lonely all the time. I really really really really really really miss her so much!

I hope that time comes that I can get over this. I hope that day will be always.

BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED, I STUCK UP ON THIS!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

We are given to others. I almost HATE LIFE!

I hate the way my father acted this day. They had a chat with my Aunt in the USA. It is so hurtful that out from his mouth and his will, he is entrusting us to our Aunt. My father is not like this. My father is not like when my mother is still here. Now that he is with his new wife, his attitude turns into worst. I don't like the way he treated us and the idea that he is happy that he will give us to our Aunt.

We are living in one house with my stepmother and everyday, we (I, my father and my stepmother) don't have the good rapport. I almost hate my father and I am showing less respect because all he thinks is his self and his wife (my stepmother). I have a special sister who needs most of the help but it is just that I am overly burden of the pain and the sufferings of being always the ONE who attain to her needs without even the support of my father. If Mama is still here. If she is with us and was not lost, for sure, we (3 sisters) would not suffer like this.

This is the extreme darkness that I am suffering now. I don't know when will it shine and for how long am I going to suffer from the hands of the "selfish and cruel minds". I don't know because I am almost losing my breath. I don't want this kind of life. That is why, I am working with the best that I can to straigthen this life and to sustain the needs of my sisters. I promise that whatever happens, I will not leave them behind and I will do everything that I can in order to help them.

This is not the kind of home that I want for my sisters. I want them to be happy and I am always clinging to God for help and guidance because I know that after the rain, there's LIGHT.

Remembering my Mother's Birthday

Today is the birthday of my mother, Teresa Rasonabe Abucay. But she is not with us anymore. I miss her. I love her so much.

June 29, 2004, fresh on my mind. This day marks her death from a cancer, Myoma. That day is very tragic. I can't even accept that she is totally gone. I really miss her. I never felt the feeling of being lost and how life would be for us, 5. My father married another woman whom we (sisters) find our stepmother not so good. My youngest sister is already married and she is with her husband in the USA. My two sisters is with me. I am taking care of my special sister.

Being always the bread winner now and the father and the mother of my sisters, I find it quite hard because of the great responsibility that I have to take. It is not too easy being always on the side of making and earning for our living. I feel tired sometimes but it is not also my desire to quit because I care a lot of my sisters and our family as well.

That is why, I miss Mama! I miss her so much! I love her and I always miss her deeply.

Friday, October 2, 2009

In the state of acceptance for my sister's condition.

Yesterday, we went to the hospital to see a doctor for the monthly medication of my special sister. My father, my eldest sister, my special sister and me are there on time. The doctor was not there in the office and so we waited for 2 hours. The only person who entertain us in his office is his secretary.

Past 1 in the afternoon, the doctor arrived. We get inside his room and the consultation begun. After much talkings, the doctor advised us to report on a 7th or 8th, the next year, 2010.

I should be happy for the positive progress of my sister's condition and health but I pitied her a lot because she will take the medicine until few days of January, the next year.

I should condition my mind and myself that this is the reality. She will take the medicine until next year and that her medication will continuously go until that year.

Nevertheless, I should be happy and I need to accept the fact that this is how life is for her and us.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Manila is in chaos. Ondoy Strikes!


The Philippines suffered tragic flood disaster as Ondoy strikes the country yesterday. The water reaches in a high level. That is why, these residents stand of electric wires to stay in higher grounds while others wade for help. It has been reported that almost 60 plus residents were killed and some are not yet found.

Philippines is always a victim of typhoon. Tragically, Ondoy Typhoon strikes seriously the place especially the whole of Manila. That is why, Manila flights and airlines were suspended as the powerful typhoon battered the main Philippines.

This is one of the serious incident that the Philippines ever encountered this year.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Stepmother's BAD attitude.

My mother died last 29th of June, 2004. A year after her death, my father married another woman (my stepmother). We are living in one house. We own the house.

Long after my mother is gone, we had a good relationship with my stepmother but for these past 5 months now, she shifts her attitude into the most worst. She is always gossiping and minding other's personal lives, talking bad against people, make unjustifiable issues and even hurting as sisters (3 of us).

Just yesterday, she was murmuring again. I am almost fed up with all her "bad" attitudes everyday. That is why, I decided to buy a new home. I will bring my two sisters with me.

I always have these questions in mind. "Are all stepmothers the same (bad to the children of not their own)? "Why does she always get angry all the time that she wants to hurt us always with words?"

I don't really understand her. We are not a problem to her but she is extremely a BIG problem to us.

I hope that time comes that we (3 sisters) will be happy.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Christmas would never be the same...

I listen to the news today and the introduction of the reporter is, "There are 92 days to go before Christmas."

Really...Christmas is near but I am not happy. I miss mama. I miss her so much! It has been 5 years now that she is not with us even during Christmas day. She is gone.

Last June 29, 2004, she died of a cancer, Myoma. She suffered from a serious disease of a cancer, a cystic mass rapidly grows in her uterus and made it seriously scatters and complicates the other organs of her body.

I pitied mother a lot because of the extreme sufferings and agonies she went through combating her disease. I have seen how she suffered in those times.

Now she is gone and not with us anymore, I miss her deeply.

I don't know if my Christmas will be a happy one. I really miss Mama! I love her so much!
My father married another woman but she can't replace the place of our mother. She is totally the opposite of mother. Our mother is caring, loving and approachable. Our stepmother is strict, gossiper and self-centered. She oftens blow her bad attitude almost everyday.

I really miss mama so much! She is unreplaceable. I miss her care, love and joys. I miss the way we are always happy because of her.

Frankly, until now, I am always seeking her presence. I didn't cope until now of the fact that she is totally gone.

Christmas would never be the same because she is already gone. I really miss Mama!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A glimpse of Mt. Kitanglad.

My father and I went to the pineapple field near our house. But it took us about a mile to reach the place so we decided to ride on the motorcycle. I took lots of pictures. One that captured my eyes is this mountain, Mt. Kitanglad. It is regarded as the second highest mountain here in Mindanao. During my college years, I had experienced having a climb in this mountain together with my college friends and classmates. When you are almost on the top of it, you will perfectly see the whole Bukidnon. That experience in my college life, I never miss.
Every where I go and whatever I do, I often record it. Even just a glimpse of nature's beauty is a BIG significant to my existence and the reason why I exist.

Nature is my life and it is the main reason why I choose to live.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Just another ordinary day.

Today, I have nothing new to say. Just that it is raining hard. I do my usual stuff. Surf the Internet, chat with my sister and friends, cook food, read some books, write compositions, take care of my sister and write, write and write.

It is very cold and the rain fell so hard. I can't go outside but rather just to stay shivering inside the house.

I look outside the window and I have found out that the heavy rain permits me not to take pictures. I just take a glimpse and see what's outside.

This day is just one of some of the ordinary days.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Me and my precious sister.

Everyday is a precious day that I had with my precious sister named Shellane (wearing the blue t-shirt). I love her so much and no one could ever take her away from me except if it is God's will. She is a special child. I take care of her everyday. I often bathe, let her exercise, do household chores and all the things that involves her physical self. We usually pray at night and I sing lullabies to her as she sleeps.I offer my time taking care of her. I provide her daily needs. When mother died last June 29, 2004, I am the one taking care of her. She is my love, my life. I couldn't imagine how life would be if I think of my personal happiness while she is extremely suffering.

Everyday is a written diary. I write compositions that inspire me about her progress and success. I am very thankful that the Lord saves and cures her.

I will do everything for her and I will never give up working very hard for her. I love her so much!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I play with my pet dog.

Today, I play with my pet dog which I take pictures of him as he poses for his actions. I often play with him everyday especially in the morning and when I arrive home from work. But it seems that today as I want to make some childish play with him, he feels sleepy and unresponsive to play. Huhuhu! Anyway, I understand him for acting such. Maybe he is tired of our pictorials...hehehe! This pet of mine is my precious baby. He eases my pain and relieves my stress everyday. I love him so much!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mind your own business!

Maltreating me with useless and bad words are not what I want. I am a type of person who doesn't have the space for gossips and hearsay. I am just sitting in the corner with my laptop and my cellphone and if someone asks for help, I immediately extend my arms to help.

I believe that people who gossips a lot don't have the huge knowledge of information that are beneficial for their growth and development. I fully know and learn that this world displays all the unhealthy and healthy atmosphere of living but what worsens me is that when someone is making false stories and make gossips that are not true. Having the bad attitude is always the gossipers happiness (probably...?) But I don't take chances with those words because I store no good education if I try to fight back. What is important is that, I just keep my silence. They (gossipers) will get tired of minding their business because I don't show reactions that will worsen the situation. Riding and fighting back is like aggravating more the incidence. Good that I just keep my silence. Nothing is a big deal for me because I am not guilty of anything. My conscience is clear.

That is why, "Small mind talks about people. BIG mind talks about ideas." I rather preferring myself to feed my minds with worthwhile BIG IDEAS than to ensure my mind with useless words that makes me uneducated.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Words Worth

For guidance and strength in decisions, I have to make the most reliable source of inspiration and guaranteed to give me the best advice is the Holy Bible. It is one book that seems so alive, never becomes outdated and always hits me right on the spot. The Bible has all the answers to our questions. To know God's plan for me, I just had to stay still and ask Him through prayers what it is that He wants me to know for the day, then at random go through the pages of the Bible, wherever our fingers take us and whatever verse is there in the page would be His message for me. I have the word of God to guide me, comfort me and accompany me.